I’m not saying this is a bad thing. I mean, I like pirates. A lot. She took this to a whole new level. I was visiting Idaho for the first time to see my friend Codec (whom I am now dating), and a mutual friend of ours, Gorilla. We were all going to a nerd con. We’re nerds, this is what we do. Naturally, I stopped at the band tables, and so did Gorilla. On the second day there, I was at The S1nd1cate’s table buying a shirt. While I was standing around discussing things with Screamer, he informed me I need to dance. I don’t know if you know anything about Jewish geeks, but we have two left feet. I am mortified by his request, and I realize I can get out of this – no biggie.
“I can’t dance,” I say in my defense, hoping he’d drop it. I’d hoped wrong. This only caused him to pursue this more.
“You have to dance if you’re at this table,” he responded without missing a beat. I hate him right now.
I think quick,” Fine, I’ll dance if you dance with me and show me some moves.” I was positive he’d back off. I really don’t like dancing in public. I shake my ass at home, thank you very much. I detest my response as he makes his was around the table to dance with the Jew geek. Great. just what I need. We’re dancing and he shows me some moves and I’m feeling ridiculous at this point, and I’m sure I look like a reject. He tells a few people who join us that I can’t dance. Thanks, dick face. That wasn’t the last I hear. I start forgetting some of the people are there so I can get the redness that I’m sure is creeping up in my face to go away. That’s when she shows up.
The female Jack Sparrow comes to join us. Screamer tells her I can’t dance. PirateGirl tells me I’m doing a great job. I refuse to believe her. I’m fully convinced that if Gorilla or Codec came by, I’d never hear the end of it. I know I looked that sad dancing with people when I can’t dance. Keep rhythm, yes, just not dance. I reiterate to PirateGirl that I can’t dance, and probably threw in that I suck, now hoping to get out of the situation.
She would have none of my disbelief, “That’s it, you’re coming with me.” She grabbed my hand and led me away. I was being kidnapped by a pirate. We entered a dancing room where the techno was poppin’. Hell yeah, techno. I get pulled up on stage by PirateGirl and we’re dancing. I want to die. I can’t think of how to get out of this. She or someone else (I’m saying she did) dances super close and grinds me a bit after being on stage for a while. I’m done now. It’s not that I don’t like being molested or anything, but I’d rather be the one making the awesome moves and not in front of a shit ton of people. Fuck that. I know what it’s like being seen at the club and having to come up with a cover story and shit.
I call Codec’s cell, since I don’t know Gorilla’s. No answer. I tell PirateGirl thanks and all, and leave. Trying to find my friends. I avoid The S1nd1cate’s table. I eventually find both Codec and Gorilla playing Left 4 Dead. I disclose my molestation, and they were sorry they missed it. I wasn’t. I told them never to leave me again. I learned that I will just walk away next time. I can’t say I was mad, but I was relieved to not be dancing. Their reactions were pretty funny, too. I mean, you should have seen the way their faces lit up.