I have not been updating for a few reasons. Life has taken quite the hectic turn for me. In April, I lost my bridesmaid, friend, and fellow Atheist to an untimely death. BlondMomma was the life of the party, and a caring, gorgeous, momma of three. If you never got to know her, you missed out on a wonderful life cut too short. She had a smile that could make your day better, was hilarious, and I am proud to have been her friend. I first met her when I was selling knives for Cutco. Her husband, Sheep, works with Codec. We got to talking and she found out I was engaged, and immediately offered to host my engagement party. That’s how she is, just very generous like that. As an Atheist, this was the first death I ever had to deal with, and I am glad that I got to say goodbye while she was in the hospital. Saying goodbye was difficult. I stared at her lifeless body (on life support) and all I could do was cry. Words were too hard to utter, and even writing this now is difficult. Codec was by my side, and looked at me and said that the universe doesn’t lose information. That was the most comforting thing anyone could have ever said to me, and it gave me the courage to squeeze BlondMomma’s hand and tell her goodbye, and that I would always miss her and she would forever live on in my heart. She goes on in memory and via the genetics of her kids. I will never forget what I had in friendship with her, and I will always remember her in the good times, not as she was that day. RIP BlondMomma we’ll always love you.
This past June, I lost my Great Grandmother. Not many people get to know / meet their great grandparents, and I was lucky to have had the time I did with her. She was an extremely loving and hospitable woman. Every time I’d walk in her door she’d always ask us how long we were staying and what we wanted for dinner. She’d even ask that right after clearing the table from lunch! She always had cookies, cereal cookies, sugar cookies, etc . . . and anything went – like cookies before dinner. She wasn’t just a hell of a baker, but a hell of a cook, too. We’ve all tried to replicate her stuffing for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but never the way she could. Oh, she gave you the recipe – a little of this and a little of that! Not to mention singing – she was always singing. I may not longer affiliate with any faith, but I used to love sitting at the top of the basement stairs and listen to her sing Amazing Grace. She taught me how to embroider and put yarn on hangers. She was patient, stubborn, loving, and giving. She was genuine, never faked it, and never complained. She was strong from a hard life, but a good life nonetheless. She’d go without so that you could have, and she was charitable with her time and finances to the church. I admire and strive to be like her and to preserve her memory. She was always full of life and energy, and I’m glad I had the chance to be close to her. RIP Great Grandma – I love you.
As far as anything else goes, I have been having some serious issues with my legs. Tightness and pain and inflammation. We’re not sure what’s wrong, but the doctor has me on anti-inflammatory medication at the moment, and that has helped a lot. The thought was tendinitis, but they’re not sure as this has been persisting for well over a month. Autoimmune disease tests came back negative, and I’ve had to ix-nay the gym for the moment for low impact exercising like swimming and yoga. I know that I’ll get back on the ball. I trust the doctors to help me get better.
Being back in my hometown for my Great Grandmother’s funeral was strange. Has it been so long? So it has. I felt oddly out of place at my old haunts, but I was able to see many friends during my time down there, and I am super glad for it. I even was able to go to my friend’s wedding and take some notes! The best part about that was getting closer to my dad. I miss coffee in the mornings with him and late night talks over a beer or two. It’s awesome to know that I can talk to him about anything. It really is. Being close with both of my parents is awesome. I miss and love them both. They’re two of my best friends and guides in life. No man beats my dad. None – he’s awesome and an extremely kind and tolerant person. We may not have been close while I was growing up, but the time that matters to me is now, and it means the world to me. Completely irreplaceable.
I do feel like I bonded a lot with my sister on the ride out. (She was living with me and we took her car – she’s now moved in with my parents). I’m happy for the time, and that neither of us showed up in body bags! Haha. I even was able to help her out when she was insulted by a family member. She’d asked about if what was said was in the Bible, and I said yes. She sounded crushed. I told her to remember that the Bible is an archaic, bronze age text, written by people who knew little to nothing about the world around them, science, other cultures and genetics. She mentioned Jesus not judging, and I told her that was an excellent point. I told her what he said, and told her that due to the way she conducted herself after what our relative said, that she showed that she was better than that. She’s matured so much, and really held up like a lady. Go HelloKitty!
There was something that has been going on with me that I don’t talk about, or at least didn’t mention it here yet. RedVelevet’s boyfriend, KarateGamer actually helped me with it majorly tonight. I got down to the bottom of what was bothering me. The synopsis is that someone I used to know was stealing bits and pieces of my life story and applying it to them. Things like a pregnancy and miscarriage I had when I lived in the South. There were other things going on, and I didn’t realize that while I was sifting through that I was missing the heart of the issue. In truth, that someone can’t be themselves and has to steal my personal stories made me really angry. That’s because it’s extremely personal to me. I was crushed when I lost that baby, and for someone to steal a story like that is sickening. I am positive this person did it knowing the information would come back to me in the hopes that I would be jealous. The desired effect never happened, because I saw it for what it was – a lie from a lying liar whose life seems to not be special enough that they need to steal / live someone else’s. Sure, I was angry, but now I’m just fucking flattered. I must be someone special that someone wants to be me, wants to have what I have, and will do anything to get contact from me – even if it is because they want to get to me. Looking at it that way is quite the ego boost, but it also helps me forget this person. I feel the joy of knowing I can move on, and that person was just a gnat in my picnic of life. This is such a relief for me and it brings a smile to my face. I owe KarateGamer a bunch for helping me work through that, and I am proud that his is RedVelvet’s man. He’s good to her, like Codec is good to me. They’re the best roomies a couple can ask for.
Truly this has been a good day, and while the past few months have been rough, I always know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I keep pressing on. Everything can only go up from here. I am excited to post my next picture and am gearing up to get my wedding dress. Fantastic. Well, I have to be getting some sleep, as I have yoga in the morning and a book to continue to work on!
I love all you guys and thanks a bunch for your continued support and tweets. You are the best fan base ever.

